Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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