I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
