he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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