All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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