her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
