You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I forget how to act sober
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