I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize