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How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Randomize
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