I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
