I want to have your abortion
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you would pick up someone in the library
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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