I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.