can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
