he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem