I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
