And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude. I can hear the air.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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