He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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