I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
