Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need a beard to bite.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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