I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
