I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its not stalking. its research.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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