The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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