Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
