So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All the doctor said was why
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
