I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
