we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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