So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
