He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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