Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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