she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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