You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
