This is the prime rib incident all over again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
