Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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