it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
