Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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