I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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