it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
