You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
