I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
