i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
