weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
