1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
