i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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