Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
