Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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(789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days. http://tfl.nu/hp74

Replies (26) Good night (5961) Bad night (1098)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

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(732): just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/qpl1

Replies (71) Good night (8037) Bad night (1029)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

(1-931): View more from Tennessee

Wtf? What happened?

(931): View more from Tennessee

Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

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(931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo

Replies (42) Good night (17998) Bad night (1221)
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(631): View more from New York

My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

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(631): My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you. http://tfl.nu/4nkq

Replies (7) Good night (5476) Bad night (1192)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?

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(570): Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips? http://tfl.nu/n3qx

Replies (19) Good night (3426) Bad night (3558)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

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(410): Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down." http://tfl.nu/u1mc

Replies (8) Good night (4397) Bad night (1072)
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(360): View more from Washington

you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.

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(360): you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own. http://tfl.nu/6swo

Replies (5) Good night (2123) Bad night (553)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.

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(201): A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns. http://tfl.nu/v0at

Replies (5) Good night (1461) Bad night (573)
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(248): View more from Michigan

What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central

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(248): What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central http://tfl.nu/56qr

Replies (2) Good night (1220) Bad night (599)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug

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(412): I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug http://tfl.nu/u06h

Replies (3) Good night (654) Bad night (907)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror

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(865): He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror http://tfl.nu/h00k

Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (690)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?

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(309): I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing? http://tfl.nu/0fxz

Replies (7) Good night (566) Bad night (1022)
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(360): View more from Washington

Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.

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(360): Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits. http://tfl.nu/3dqo

Replies (5) Good night (1582) Bad night (383)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.

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(905): I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone. http://tfl.nu/lxal

Replies (1) Good night (469) Bad night (196)
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(443): View more from Maryland

So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina

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(443): So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina http://tfl.nu/qg34

Replies (9) Good night (215) Bad night (841)

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