I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.