He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed