Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.