what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.