Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"

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(270): At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back" http://tfl.nu/lhve

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(727): View more from Florida

I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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(727): I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what? http://tfl.nu/li5i

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(301): View more from Maryland

He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.

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(301): He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired. http://tfl.nu/1pq9

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(541): View more from Oregon

I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

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(541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf

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(845): View more from New York

i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

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(845): i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it. http://tfl.nu/ii10

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.

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(814): You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride. http://tfl.nu/0b9w

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(505): View more from New Mexico

she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes

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(505): she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes http://tfl.nu/9qtj

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(805): View more from California

You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

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(805): You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed. http://tfl.nu/chu6

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity

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(717): There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity http://tfl.nu/xz3u

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(519): View more from Ontario

I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today

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(519): I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today http://tfl.nu/56ng

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(803): View more from South Carolina

The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.

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(803): The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood. http://tfl.nu/3s7a

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(520): View more from Arizona

I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.

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(520): I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people. http://tfl.nu/38n6

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(217): View more from Illinois

Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

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(217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9

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(765): View more from Indiana

Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

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(765): Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater. http://tfl.nu/rsqd

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea

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(920): He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea http://tfl.nu/pad4

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