Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i have two assholes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
