That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
