he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
