i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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