so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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