It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
