I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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