We won't sleep together?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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