I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
