Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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