He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
