So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
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She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?