I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.