I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she told me i tasted like america
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.