a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
BRING THE BAGELS