I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
