If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES