If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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