I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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