we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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