Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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