Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
