i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
