who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
