Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
