She announced her abortion via fbk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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