i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
