My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
