I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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