she woke up with a sticky ear
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
