Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
