I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
