My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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