Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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