ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
