Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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I think your dad took our porno
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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