i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
