Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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